Man, I'm becoming some sort of twisted recluse. I resent it when people try to change me or orchestrate me into something more acceptable to them. God, I am becoming one big ugly pile of resentment.

I feel like I can't be myself anymore on my goddamn livejournal, which is probably why I'm venting on a deviant account I haven't accessed in years.

Drawing is dumb and boring, and I don't like it. But I still do it, a bit. The stuff I doodle now is better than any of this old crap up here, but I don't care if anyone ever sees any of it. It's too much effort to "share" and I don't give a shit.

That's kind of how I feel about my writing, too. It's better now, it's brilliant now, I don't want to share it. I don't want people fucking analysing everything I create like I have some sort of deep fucking society-changing agenda. Reading their own bullshit into it and extrapolating. That is so frustrating. It's not about you! It's not about your deep meaningful shit! It's my entertaiment! It's made to entertain and satisfy ME.

I want to create purely to create, purely for myself - and NOT feel like a slacker for doing that. Shit, I work 40 hours overnight a week. I shouldn't need to justify one minute of my downtime. I shouldn't feel like I have to defend keeping precious things to myself.